kira_dark_wing: I'm not short. Just unsually not tall (Default)
So my grandma, or the closets thing I've had to one on my mum's side of the family, died the 1st of August. It sucks, it hurts, it breaks my heart and I hate it. She had been quite ill in the last couple of years, and her mind was starting to slip due to senile dementia. She was 86, and would have turned 87 on the 24th if September. Rest In Peace Moster Sonja.

And I just learned that one of my idols, Mr Robin Williams is dead. I've adored that man since I was a little ankle biter, watching 'Mrs Doubtfire', not understanding a word, but finding him funny as hell. You are Free, Geenie, Rest In Peace, Mr Williams, and thank you for the laughter.

I'm sick of this. I'm clocking out for a while, World, so fuck you. Fuck this shit with loosing my favourite people, fuck this shit with being tired and sad.... Fuck this shit. FUCK!!!
kira_dark_wing: I'm not short. Just unsually not tall (Default)
I sorta hate my dad right now. I've been visiting my parents' house for the weekend and last night - oh dear sweet Eru, my dad got me drunk on red wine.

Squirt is away at a weekend scout trip, Brat was tucked in and I was sharing an awesome steak with cream potatoes and tzatziki and an AWESOME red wine. My mum doesn't really drink, and she greatly dislike most red wines, and I had tried a sip of the wine while dad and I was preparing the meal. Normally I only drink white wines, maybe a rosé wine, but the red my dad found yesterday was amazing. I ended up sharing the whole bottle with him, and after that he found half a bottle of a different red. Not as good as the first, but I was at the point where I no longer cared.

Today though... Today I care! I won't say that I'm hungover but my head is full of cotton. It's the first time I have EVER gotten drunk on red wine. My dad thinks it's hilarious, but I will have my revenge!
kira_dark_wing: definition of glomp (Glomp)
I just spent 30 minutes on the phone with my father. 30 freaking minutes!

We didn't even discuss anything important, just 30 minutes of small talk. My mother is usually the one I chit-chat with, while my father and I usually just share a good beer and watch a movie. When I talk with my father, we say a lot of things without really saying anything. I am most definitely a daddy's girl. I love my mum, she is awesome and everything, but my dad is the one I usually go to for comfort. He's a quiet, calm, slightly pacifistic man, and he is my rock. He is the one I go to when everything seems too much, when the world threatens to overwhelm me.

This started out as a 'WTF!?! I just spent 30 minutes chit-chatting with my dad!' and ended up as a Ode to My Father.

I'm such a dork.
kira_dark_wing: I'm not short. Just unsually not tall (Default)
When other little girls wanted to be princesses, I kinda wanted to be Indianna Jones XD

I totally blame my dad, he raised me on Harrison Ford and Sean Connery films. I can actually trace most of my geekish neediness back to my father, but my mother isn't guiltless. My mum loves British Crime Shows, and since I was a bright little bugger who started reading rather early, I started watching them with her when I was rather young. I have a Christmas Tradition with my parents where we sit down one afternoon, make cinnamon waffles with almonds(my mum's recipe, super yummy.... Great now I'm hungry*pouts*) and we watch the old 'Murder on The Orient Express'. We've done this for as long as I can remember. So I blame my dad for my love for sci-fi and action films, and I blame my mum for my addiction to Crime/Mystery/Thriller shows and films. I blame them, and I thank them.

I will freely admit to hating most newer comedy films, I find them stupid and absolutely pointless, and I hate wasting my time on them. But I still love many different films and shows from many different genres, and I like to think I'm rather well rounded in my cinematic education.

Oh Dear Mahal, I'm such a geek! But you cannot change a tiger's stripes, and I like being a geek.
kira_dark_wing: I'm not short. Just unsually not tall (Default)
... I never thought I would say this, but I have an old apron that works wonders for my self confidence. It was given to me by my mother a little over a year ago, and it's a very fugly old thing. My mother's aunt sewed it to my mother years ago(when my mother was like 16 or something), it's brown with ugly little orange and white flowers on, and the cut is something straight out of the forties.

I dug it out yesterday to bake, and when I put it on.... I cannot remember the last time my waist looked so tiny! I was seriously shocked when I saw how tiny my waist is. I'm naturally pear shaped, with very generous hips(it makes finding pants that fit an absolute nightmare. If they fit over my hips, they're usually somewhere between 10 to 15 cm too long, and if the length fits they don't fit over my hips*sighs*.), and I'm kind of short(168 cm or 5"5') therefore I have a tendency to look a little chubby. But when I tied that apron it was like a revelation. I suddenly looked so very slim and I gave the illusion of a hourglass figure, my usually large hips balanced out by my tiny waist and my boobs. I have a generous C cup, but I still feel that my hips are way too large compared to them and my waist. But that apron made me feel good about my figure, and I actually felt sexy in that fugly old apron!

Is there a point to all this? Not at all, not besides the fact that sometimes old school/retro fashions can be amazingly good for your self image.
kira_dark_wing: I'm not short. Just unsually not tall (Default)
Hi everybody!

An update from Kira Land.... J dumped me a little over two weeks ago, after we had to leave our apartment because we couldn't afford it anymore(FUCK HIM!!!!) and I'm currently living at my parents house. And I suddenly understand my 15 year old baby brother a lot more.

My little brother, I'm gonna call him Squirt here(he's about two inches taller than me now), is diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. He's well functioning in a 'normal' setting, and it's mostly just small signs that he has Aspergers. My little sister, age 8, I'm gonna call her Brat, has ADD. She's also rather well functioning. But together....

Brat is very smart, and rather manipulative. Very good at breaking out the tears when things aren't going her way, and very good at living up to her nickname. Squirt is usually very calm, but Brat has a way of pushing all of his buttons. And when she does, Squirt loses his rather impressive temper. Brat then runs to our parents, crying, and about 90% of the time they just blame him without hearing his side. I'm not saying our parents don't fight for him, they do, but mostly only for the things he needs outside the house. When it comes to confrontations between Squirt and Brat it feels as if I'm the only one on Squirt's side, and it's very frustrating.

I understand that my parents aren't in an easy place, but FUCK! They saw what this sort of behaviour did to me. They did almost the same thing with me when I was his age. I had a lot to struggle with when I was his age, and my parents sorta just pushed me aside for him, and then Brat when she was born. I ended up fighting a very deep depression, I was actually admitted to the hospital for treatment, and now they're doing it to Squirt. He has issues, many issues right now, and our parents barely know half of it. I sat down with him yesterday and I just offered to listen, and EVERYTHING came rushing out. I asked him if he had talked with mom and dad about this, and he told me that they were too busy with Brat to listen to him.

I just told them that I need to speak with them alone. Without Squirt or Brat. I just... I have no idea how to talk with them about this without loosing my own nasty temper. Squirt doesn't have his temper from strangers.

I know that I've practically made Brat seem like a manipulative little monster so far, but she's not. She has her own issues because of the ADD, but she's also one of the sweetest little girls I know. She's just very gifted at pushing people's buttons, and I know that she doesn't always do it on purpose, but there is a reason why I always call her a brat.

I apologise for unloading all of this on you guys, but I needed to get this of my chest. I'm going to hide back under my covers with my tea now that I've vented, and maybe the world will make a little more sense once I've gotten more than two hours of sleep.

Hugs
Kira
kira_dark_wing: I'm not short. Just unsually not tall (Default)
Fair warning: behind the cut there will be some depression topics and poems.

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