Writings of a Mad Mind

So I may have done something either incredibly stupid or something good for my heart. I had sex with J. I just... Gods it's been a little over 8 months of sorta getting to know him as a friend again, and trying to just be friends again.

But yesterday... He came to my new apartment(does it still count if I've lived here since February?), out of the freaking blue, and we just... Talked. Nothing heavy or important, just two friends talking. He did this thing, had this expression, I can't even describe it, and I had to kiss him. And then one kiss let to the next kiss, and kissing led to, well, sex.

The thing is... I don't really regret it. And today we talked again, this time heavy stuff, like our past relationship and our feelings. We're giving it another shot, this him and me as a couple thing, but we are taking it slow. Which sounds weird after we've started this thing again the way we have, but I'm... hopeful. Yeah, that's what I'm actually feeling, hopeful.

What the hell am I doing?